Navigating the Holidays | Season 7 Episode 3

It’s December and for many that means the start of a very busy holiday season. From travel, to major changes in schedules, to unfamiliar holiday traditions, this can be a difficult season for children to navigate. However, there are a few simple strategies parents can use to take some stress out of the holidays for the whole family. 

This previously aired episode is from our first podcast season. Our hosts Meredith and Stephanie discuss a number of tried and tested tips to help parents prepare for the challenges the holiday season may bring. While these tips are aimed for children who have language and social challenges, they are still excellent for trying with all children.

Transcript

Stephanie Landis (00:06):

Hello and welcome to Babbled, a podcast that navigates the world of special education, communication, delays and learning differences. We are your hosts, Stephanie Landis and Meredith Krimmel, and we're certified speech language pathologist who spend our days at the parish school in Houston helping children find their voices and connect with the world around them. Gateway Academy is a unique school in Houston, Texas, serving sixth through 12th grade students with academic and social challenges. Gateway's committed to teaching traditional academics while also meeting the social and emotional needs of their students with learning and social differences. Over the last 15 years, their work has been to provide students with opportunities for identity exploration, learning, self-awareness, and practicing self-advocacy, opening a path to personal significance in college, career and community. For more information, visit their website at www.thegatewayacademy.org. In this episode, Meredith and I provide a number of tips and tricks to help support your family through holiday celebrations.

(01:11):

For many holidays mean a time of connection and traditions, but also mean a busier schedule, changes in routine late nights and always a little bit of chaos. Throughout this episode, Meredith and I provide a number of strategies that have worked well for us as parents and as speech language pathologists working with students in the preschool and elementary levels. While these tips are aimed at supporting children with language, social, or sensory challenges, we find that they're beneficial for all children and families. We hope that these tips can provide a bit of calm and joy during your holiday celebrations. Today we have a bit of a different podcast for you. This episode is going to focus all on our tips for surviving the holidays. Yes, important to do no matter what holidays you may be celebrating. It probably includes a lot of changes in schedules, a lot of family times, a lot of different food and activities, maybe some traveling, a lot of overstimulation for everyone.

Meredith Krimmel (02:11):

Yes, no, maybe no school, no routine,

Stephanie Landis (02:15):

And we're here to try and give you some tips to help you survive and thrive during that time.

Meredith Krimmel (02:20):

Great. So Stephanie, what would be your first tip?

Stephanie Landis (02:24):

So my first tip is to sit down and make a schedule and a calendar. I know as soon as our time starts getting busy, I make a calendar for myself, but I will also make some way for my children to count down to their exciting activities, whether it's just a calendar that we draw by hand for ourselves, something that I've printed off from Word document or some people for really young children will use paper chains that they can take a paper chain off each day as they're counting down, but some way to get organized and so that your kids have a way of getting organized in their life too.

Meredith Krimmel (03:01):

That's a great idea. We have a school calendar for my children's school up on the refrigerator, so I just write notes on it and draw pictures on it, and it really does help because then we can pull it down, we can count the days, we can look at the pictures or look at the words and really try to figure out how many sleeps until this, or especially my children's school is closed for two full weeks over the winter break, so it's really nice to start preparing my kids for that early. And so having that visual schedule helps with that for sure.

Stephanie Landis (03:28):

And as you mentioned before, traveling, we travel a lot to visit family. None of our family lives in town and so we will pull out and in the past I just hand drew a calendar. My daughter loved to draw on it with me and they were not pretty. I'm not an artist, they don't need to be, and she knew that that weird shape was a school and the other one was a home and one was an airplane and she knew the drawings of nana and papa and their house, and that just helped her get organized and it also gave a place to refer back to so that I wasn't answering for the hundredth time of like, when do we do this

Meredith Krimmel (04:02):

And

Stephanie Landis (04:02):

When do we do that?

Meredith Krimmel (04:03):

Right. Yeah. My children we're going on a trip to Disney right before Thanksgiving, and so every day my son was like, are we going tomorrow? Are we going tomorrow? Are we going tomorrow? So that's when I took down the calendar, wrote the words, drew some arrows, and that way he can just look at it. He doesn't even have to ask me anymore. It's been really nice.

Stephanie Landis (04:21):

It is. And for young children and even elementary aged children, sometimes they have a difficulty organizing the time in their brain and giving them some concrete visual is a really great way to both ease the anxiety of not knowing when something's going to happen and the excitement and give them a way to get themselves organized.

Meredith Krimmel (04:40):

Right. We're talking about things that are exciting that they might be counting down to, but this also helps if they are nervous or concerned about something coming up. Maybe your child doesn't like to fly. Maybe the airport makes them uncomfortable. So having it on the calendar or on a schedule or some sort of visual to support with that can help talk about strategies while you count down to that day.

Stephanie Landis (04:59):

And as we mentioned, every tip also put it through the lens of your own child. I have friends and family members who know that if they put it on the calendar a month in advance, it's only going to ramp up the kids' anxiety, and so they might not add it until a day or two beforehand. And then other family members and friends that know that they have to let their kids know a few weeks in advance for them to be able to process it.

Meredith Krimmel (05:21):

Yeah, that's great advice. Every kid is so different. I definitely have a niece in my family who does not surprises, so the more advanced notice the better. But I also do know that some kids, if they think about that trip or that activity for a month, it's going to be a detriment.

Stephanie Landis (05:37):

And along with making the schedule over November, December, January, there are a lot of school closings and adding in some things that might keep some consistency to the day into the schedule. So even just making a daily schedule for those days that are off will help your child organize their day or have something to look forward to and it might help you as a parent, so even though you might have a bunch of errands, you need to run into it too. Just giving your child that day a schedule of, okay, first we're going to have breakfast, we'll have some playtime. You definitely want to get that activity level out before you go around the errands. We're going to go to this store and this store. Then we'll come back and have lunch and just as much as possible, keep some of those days consistent in their routine, giving them a snack if they're used to having snack, if they're used to having a quiet reading time, build in the quiet reading time or a nap time, just as much consistency and letting them know how their day's going to go and look like during those days off is helpful as well.

Meredith Krimmel (06:33):

That's great advice. I think keeping some sort of routine is important, and to go along with that, you talked about running errands and things, trying really hard not to overbook yourself during the holidays or when the kids are off school. Overbooking can lead to meltdowns and really difficult evenings and afternoons, so trying to limit, for instance, if you need, don't try to get all your holiday shopping done on one trip. Maybe spread it out over a few days, but just try not to overbook. Of course, this stuff is so much easier said than done during the holidays. Your families are planning things and you want to be with everybody and you want to do a lot of things, but trying to be really conscious of that is important as well.

Stephanie Landis (07:09):

One of the things that I often encourage parents to do is when they are getting ready for big family events, family gatherings around the holidays is to one front load their child of what's going to be expected at this event. If it's say, Thanksgiving, which is coming up, let them know that there's going to be dinner and that there's going to be foods, and then have a plan for them. It will be expected that all of these different foods that we don't normally eat are going to be here. Let's make a plan that we try maybe the Turkey and we'll bring our own green beans or eat the roll and we'll bring some mac and cheese or make a plan for your child so that they know what's going to be expected and they know that there's something that they can eat or do. And along with that plan, have somewhere built in for them to go ahead of time, maybe a code word or if your child is young, watching them to see when they've hit that max of new people over stimulation, they're starting to get a little bit wound up and knowing your mind where you can go to calm them down and what calms them down.

(08:09):

I know for me with my kids, I can pull them into a room and if we listen to quiet music or read a book that they really like in a calm room, then that little bit of a reset can get them back to that. They're at a place where they can go be with family, and this is for all children. Get overstimulated by this and having a plan in your mind of how you're going to step back and get them calm and let them reset and maybe deescalate that sensory overregulation will lead to fewer meltdowns.

Meredith Krimmel (08:36):

Yeah, that's great. I think just as important as preparing your child and frontloading your child. Also maybe talking with your family members about your child, what they can expect, what your child can really handle. I think sometimes our extended family members, they don't live with our children every day, so they might think it's feasible to do all these activities one day or do something that might be hard for your child, so really frontloading your child, but also frontloading your extended family as well

Stephanie Landis (09:00):

And having your own reasonable expectations. I know last year for Thanksgiving, I sat down and I was like, okay, my kid's not going to eat today. They're not. They are visiting family that they haven't visited in a long time. There's mass amounts of food. We don't always eat these foods on a regular basis. They might be new to them, and so if they eat just a little bit and they refuse food, then I'm fine with today being the day that I'm like, okay, after it's calmed down, we'll go back and have a peanut butter sandwich or we'll go back and have some carrots or some crackers or whatever it is so that they get a little bit of food in them, but I'm going to enjoy the holiday and give myself permission to let it go on this day. Otherwise they're going to get upset because they're hungry and forced to eat weird food, and then I'm going to get upset and then we're all going to get flustered in front of family and then nobody's going to have a good time.

Meredith Krimmel (09:53):

Right. You mentioned about kids getting overstimulated if you know your child struggles with crowds or is easily overstimulated. A lot of places, especially a city like Houston has sensory friendly activities. So if you do go see Santa, if that's something that you do over the holidays, you could look for a sensory friendly Santa visit or you could find a small gathering in your neighborhood that has a Santa visit or something like that. So I think it's also important to use your resources in the neighborhood.

Stephanie Landis (10:21):

They also have some of the big concerts, events, plays often will have a sensory friendly day where they maybe leave the lights on and the band might play a little more quietly and it's a little more expected for you to be able to get up and move around instead of sitting there quietly. So it's really great to be in a city that has these accommodations. So you still can feel like as a family, you can participate in these traditions while setting yourself and your family up for success.

Meredith Krimmel (10:48):

Yeah, absolutely. Another thing is we talk about all these activities that might have been traditions for us as kids and that we'd like to carry on with our kids, but also remembering just really meeting our children where they are developmentally. So just because your child is chronologically at a certain age doesn't mean that the activities for that age are appropriate or something that they would enjoy. So really meeting your child where they are and doing developmentally appropriate activities with them.

Stephanie Landis (11:15):

That is a really great tip. And knowing your child, because again, your child might be a type of a child that can go off schedule for three events and might be okay that they stay up late to go on the family adventure or stay up late to go to the zoo to see the lights. Or maybe your child really does need that consistency and routine and sleep just for everyone, and it's hard, but you got to be okay with it.

Meredith Krimmel (11:42):

Yeah, just important to know your child and meet your child where they are. For sure.

Stephanie Landis (11:47):

We've talked about front-loading kids a few times. I just want to get a little bit more explicit about what that might look like.

(11:54):

It depends on the event. A lot of people will use social stories to front load their child where they just sit down and draw pictures and write a story, or there are many places online that you can go and find social stories that are already written. For me, I prefer to try and hand draw them with my child because that way my child is actively engaged in the process, but it just specifically tells them what's going to happen during this event. We're going to go to an airport where you haven't been before. We're going to go through the security line. We're going to get in an airplane. It's expected that we have to wear our seat belts, but it's okay because while we're on the airplane, we'll get to watch this movie or play with the iPad or read these books. We can't get up and run around while we're on the airplane.

(12:37):

We have to sit down and just telling them as specifically as possible what it looks like. Same thing with a family tradition. Maybe you go to a special service that you don't typically go to with your child, letting them know what that service is going to look like, the place you're going to be at, the people who will be there, what exactly you want them to do during that service, whether it's okay for them to move around and play, or if they have to sit and be still and be quiet, and just letting them know so that you're not in a situation where they're like, this is totally unfamiliar and I'm feeling really anxious. And then it just makes it 10 times harder to get through.

Meredith Krimmel (13:11):

And sometimes if you're attending those services, sitting in the back or sitting near the door, there's a swift exit in case things don't go well and kind of letting yourself, giving yourself some grace with that and just letting your child be who they are and being able to support them in those moments. That's important. Just not only taking care of our children during these holidays, but taking care of ourself and giving ourself a pass. If things are hard, that's okay. We're all off schedule and maybe running on less sleep than normal and eating different foods and maybe even in a different state or city. So just giving yourself a pass on that and being flexible in situations is important as well.

Stephanie Landis (13:47):

And setting expectations goes, as you said, with families too, and letting your extended family know, and maybe it goes to holiday gift giving, and you can set an expectation of, this is where we're at, this is the toys that they like. It might be different from what other children their age are into, but this is what we would like or the opposite. We don't want these specific types of toys for this, that, or those reasons. And just being really clear with people and setting expectations and boundaries with front relating. One of the things that you can do is practice.

Meredith Krimmel (14:19):

So

Stephanie Landis (14:20):

If you're going to go see Santa for the first time, you can practice. I mean, you don't have to dress up in a santa suit. You could if you want, you can show pictures. You could practice going up and sitting down and practice telling Santa what you want. Have them bring a list. If you go to a specific service, and there are certain things that you need to do there, you could practice if you are going to a special dinner or out to a specific restaurant, you could practice at your home. This is what it looks like and we're going to do these things. We were just discussing that previously Halloween, we practiced trick or treating with our kids, practicing knocking on the door, putting on costumes, saying, trick or treat, saying, thank you. Those same things can happen if you're going to other activities throughout the holidays. Practice will really reinforce those behaviors that you want them to have in their mind.

Meredith Krimmel (15:10):

Yeah, role-playing. Very important for trying something new or doing a new activity that they might not know the expectations and maybe you do something front loading with a social story or you do pictures to help support, but then if you also role play, they can also have an opportunity to utilize those skills and practice those skills before the actual event.

Stephanie Landis (15:28):

We went to caroling with a bunch of friends and family members last year, and it was totally different, but we practiced singing some of the songs and we practiced that we were going to be walking from neighbor's house to neighbor's house. And so with my young children, I was like, it is important that you stay with me because it's going to start getting dark and I don't want you to run away. So we practice singing near each other and in a group. So that's just one example of things that might be a little different that your child could be a little confused on. And even just practicing taking your shoes off or putting your bags up on a conveyor belt to pretend to go through an airport, you can set up a little airport with chairs and cushions and other things, a little airplane, and you can practice having them get on the plane and sit down and the flight attendant walking through and saying, fashion, your seatbelts. Here's where all the safety information is. And kids love to role play being pilots and going on and off the plane. And the more that they get used to it, the more they feel comfortable and can get through it and have a fun

Meredith Krimmel (16:31):

Experience. And a lot of this, it works really well for little kids and role-playing might not be something you would do with your older children, but the same strategies apply just talking about the expectations and maybe not role-playing the activity, but practice saying the words, practice the language that goes along with it,

Stephanie Landis (16:51):

And be very clear with them. And you can ask them, what are your expectations for this activity? What do you feel? How will you feel good about this activity? Because sometimes even with older kids, they already have a mental picture, an expectation in their head, and they didn't go that way, and they might have a fallout and we're not sure why, but it's because we didn't talk about expectations or even what they thought was going to happen.

Meredith Krimmel (17:15):

I have a family friend who their tradition is to go into a really specific neighborhood to walk around and look at the lights, and they had a child who really struggled with that, and they did it for about two years and it just wasn't fun for anybody. And so they adjusted their tradition and now they drive through a different neighborhood. They stay in the car. There's something about being on foot in the crowds, walking and seeing all these lights that was overstimulating for their child, but now that they do it in the car, it's enjoyable for everybody. So again, being flexible and adjusting your plans to really meet your child where they are.

Stephanie Landis (17:51):

That's a really great idea. I wouldn't have thought of

Meredith Krimmel (17:53):

That. We drive around and look at Christmas lights because I don't like to walk and look through the Christmas lights. I don't really particularly do well in crowds myself, so we like to drive around and look at Christmas lights.

Stephanie Landis (18:04):

Yeah, that's another great way to just modify and still be able to do the traditions that you like, but in a way that works for your family. One of the things that I think I've said in almost every episode is to make sure that you are managing your level of stress and giving yourself grace to know that everything doesn't have to be perfect and that what works for some people's families for holidays and traditions might not work for yours. And to set your own path and what works for your family best, and that'll lead to the most happiness for

Meredith Krimmel (18:36):

Everyone. Yeah, that's really good advice.

Stephanie Landis (18:39):

Any other advice that you have for families?

Meredith Krimmel (18:41):

I think we hit all my big ones. What about

Stephanie Landis (18:44):

You? I'm sitting here trying to remember things that I've told other parents and remind myself of a lot of these things. Yeah, exactly. Not having to go to every activity that you're invited to. Maybe this only works for my family, but making sure that your kids eat before evening activities. My kids get really hangry, and so I will be the person that's pulling snacks upon snacks out or eating at 5:00 PM before we have to go to a 6:00 PM family dinner or even a 6:00 PM fun holiday cookie decorating or whatever event that it might be that I know that setting my child up for the most success means getting them some playtime before we go to get their energy out and making sure that they're well fed.

Meredith Krimmel (19:29):

Yeah, that's actually really good advice. I feed my children before we go to later dinners and later activities, even if food will be provided, because I know my children are unlikely to eat in a very busy, exciting environment, so feeding them beforehand, then I have less stress. Oh my gosh, they didn't have dinner tonight. We haven't eaten, they haven't eaten. And then they have more fun because their bellies are full and they're not hangry and throwing big tantrums. So that's really actually really great advice. And snacks, always having snacks. I love that you said that. That's so important, especially when you're traveling, being on the airplane. A snack is like the cure all, just pull snacks, more snacks, more snacks. It always works.

Stephanie Landis (20:06):

And if you have that child that is a little bit of a pickier eating eater or doesn't eat in overexcited places, having a snack on the side is a way to make sure that they have something that they can eat, and then you're all feeling good and happy. I

Meredith Krimmel (20:20):

Think we covered everything. I just hope that everybody has a happy and stress-free holiday season,

Stephanie Landis (20:26):

And if you're listening and you have any more tips that we forgot, feel free to reach out to us on social media or shoot us an email and we'll share 'em with everyone.

Meredith Krimmel (20:34):

Yeah, that's great. Alright, happy holidays everyone. Thank you for listening to the UN Babbled podcast. For more information on today's episode, please see our episode description. For more information on the parish school, visit parish school.org. If you're not already, don't forget to subscribe to the UN Babbled Podcast on your app of choice. And if you like what you're hearing, be sure to leave a rating and review. A special thank you to Joanna Rissmiller and Mac Torres for all their hard work behind the scenes. Thanks again for listening.